Book Review: Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception

By Lisa Schuman, LCSW and Mark Leondires, MD

About the Authors

Lisa Schuman is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author of Building Your Family who directs and founded The Center for Family Building, a resource hub supporting donor conception and surrogacy journeys. She previously led mental health services at Illume Fertility and Gay Parents To Be, and testified before the New York State Senate Judiciary Committee on compensated surrogacy. She is also an award‑winning researcher and host of the Building Your Family podcast, helping parents create healthy disclosure narratives and evidence‑based plans. Schuman opens up about the personal story of her journey with her husband Keith. Like many couples, they assumed pregnancy would "just happen."

Dr. Mark Leondires is a board‑certified reproductive endocrinologist and the Founder and Medical Director of Illume Fertility, as well as the founder of Gay Parents To Be, an educational and care pathway for LGBTQ+ intended parents. As a gay dad through egg donation and surrogacy, he brings lived experience together with clinical expertise to guide patients through IVF and donor conception. He is a nationally recognized advocate for inclusive, evidence‑based fertility care.

What The Book Covers

Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception is a practical handbook for readers considering or navigating the donor conception process. The book walks readers through every stage of donor conception process: from making the initial decision, to choosing and screening donors, to understanding IVF and genetic testing. It also covers other considerations, such as the legal process, record-keeping, and consent.

The authors also advise on how to talk with children about their origins, with guidance tailored to different age groups. The book addresses the unique needs of single parents and LGBTQ+ families, and discusses how to handle disclosure in the age of consumer DNA testing. Readers will find helpful tools like checklists, sample conversation scripts, questions to ask clinics and agencies, stress-management tips, and resource lists.

Why This Book Is Different

Building Your Family by Lisa Schuman and Dr. Mark Leondires stands out a guide because it addresses both the practical and emotional aspects of donor conception, two areas our clients navigate simultaneously.

The dual perspective of a therapist and reproductive endocrinologist means the medical and technical aspects do not get a short shrift. Dr. Leondires brings clinical expertise while Schuman offers mental health insights and the stories of her clients, creating a more complete resource than typical guides. While this book is highly technical and detailed, it also tells personal stories that Shulman has encountered including Shulman’s own journey.

Key Takeaways for Intended Parents

The Emotional Reality. In one of the first chapters, the book explains that infertility patients experience depression levels similar to cancer patients. This data validates that many intended parents feel real prolonged grief. The authors thoughtfully explore how men and women often process this grief differently, and how these differences can impact relationships during an already stressful time.

Throughout the book, one message resonates clearly: you are not alone. The authors weave in stories from diverse families, including mentioning celebrities who have used donor conception, normalizing what can feel like an isolating experience.

Choosing Your Donor

The book provides practical guidance on donor selection. Important considerations include:

• Medical history and lifestyle factors (like smoking history)

• Disclosure levels: from anonymous to open donation

• The reality that DNA testing has changed anonymity forever

  
  

Discussion of donation transparency levels is particularly important in our current era, where DNA testing services like 23andMe have fundamentally changed donor anonymity. The trend toward open donations reflects a growing recognition that children may want to connect with their donors in the future, a possibility that requires thoughtful planning from the start.

Creating Healthy Family Narratives

This guide recommends starting age-appropriate conversations in early childhood using books and metaphors. The goal is preventing shock or surprise later while making donor conception a normal part of the family story rather than a sensitive secret.

Support for All Family Types

The authors acknowledge how LGBTQ+ families faced additional barriers and stigma in the past, while recognizing the progress made today, including more genetic information availability and opportunities for face-to-face donor interactions.

Practical Application

This guide is helpful because of its balance between emotional support and practical navigation. Beyond medical protocols and legal considerations, it includes stress reduction techniques and emphasizes ongoing mental health support. This combination makes it particularly valuable for those new to donor conception who need both information and reassurance.

For our clients, this book serves as a comprehensive primer that complements the legal guidance we provide. It answers questions clients might not think to ask and addresses concerns they might hesitate to voice.

Conclusion

Building Your Family fills a gap in donor conception resources by addressing both logistics and emotions without sugar-coating either aspect. For anyone considering or pursuing donor conception—whether due to infertility, as a single parent, or as an LGBTQ+ couple—this book provides a realistic roadmap for the journey ahead and even after the birth. It will be more technical than other books in the field, it will address nearly every aspect of the journey, with exception of the legal stage or possibly insurance.

Every family's path is unique, and having a resource that acknowledges both the challenges and possibilities of donor conception can make that path feel less isolating.