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Thinking about embryo donation? Whether you're considering donating your stored embryos or using donated embryos to build your family, it's important to understand the legal process involved. At Tsong Law Group, we specialize in helping families navigate these waters. Let's break down the legal steps of embryo donation in simple terms.  What is an Embryo Donation?   Embryo donation is when individuals or couples who have completed fertility treatments donate their remaining frozen embryos to help someone else have a baby. This can help people who can't have children on their own, like individuals or couples who have experienced infertility, same-sex couples, or those with genetic concerns. Embryo donation arrangements also occur between couples create embryos but split up or individuals who create embryos but then want to add a partner as a co-owner.   The Legal Process: Step by Step   1. Initial Screening   Prior to the contract drafting stage, both donor and recipient parties typically undergo psychological screening to ensure all parties understand the emotional and ethical implications of embryo donation. Unlike sperm or egg donation, embryo donation involves already created embryos, which means genetic and std testing has typically already been completed during the IVF process.  All embryo donations must use assisted reproduction techniques to achieve pregnancy, as the embryos will be transferred to the recipient's uterus (or a gestational carrier's uterus) by a fertility specialist.  2. Choosing Your Attorney   The legal stage consists of each party—the embryo donors and the intended recipient(s)—choosing and signing on with their own lawyer. Both parties will have separate legal representation throughout the embryo donation process. The legal fees for both parties are usually covered by the recipients or intended parents. It is crucial to select an attorney experienced in drafting embryo donation agreements and familiar with the applicable state laws.  3. Representation Agreement   Once selected, the lawyer will send the party a representation agreement or letter, which will explain the scope of services the lawyer is providing. Both the embryo donors and the intended parents will sign their respective lawyers’ representation agreement. This is not the actual contract between the parties but only your agreement to be represented by your lawyer.  4. Drafting the Embryo Donation Agreement   In some cases, the donor’s lawyer will draft the embryo donation agreement based on the information the agency have given them. In other cases, the intended parents’ lawyer drafts the embryo donation agreement. In some cases, the contract may be pre-drafted and the parties review and revise them separately.  Your embryo donation agreement will cover details such as:  Parental rights and responsibilities of any children born from the donated embryos  Financial obligations related to storage and transfer of the embryos  Future contact between the parties including with any resulting children  Sharing of medical information and updates on contact information  Confidentiality requirements  Disposition of any unused embryos  The agreement will also describe a level of disclosure of identities, ranging from anonymous to fully disclosed. Unlike sperm or egg donation, embryo donation involves genetic material from two people, and if one or more gametes is donated, then the contract must reference that the prior donor has relinquished their rights and there is no limitation on donation by the donors.   5. Reviewing the Embryo Donation Agreement   Schedule a review appointment with your attorney to go through the embryo donation agreement thoroughly. Read the agreement beforehand because your lawyer will not read it aloud for you. Make sure your spouse is also present for the review if they are co-owners of the embryo, or co-recipients, as they will be a party to the agreement. The review is the time to address any questions or suggest changes.  6. Negotiating and Finalizing   Once you approve the draft or redline your attorney sends you after your review, they will present it to the other side's attorney and the negotiation begins. Once both parties approve the latest version, a final embryo donation agreement will then be circulated for signing.  7. Signing the Agreement   Most of the time, the parties need to notarize their embryo donation agreements due to the significant legal implications of transferring potential human life. Some states such as New York will require a notarized contract to be effective. The attorney may send you a PDF which can be printed, or e-signed, and advise if you need to notarize the agreement.  8. Issuing of Legal Clearance   Once both parties have signed, the intended parents' attorney will issue a legal clearance letter to the fertility clinic which allows the embryo transfer procedures to occur or for existing embryos to be transferred to the intended parents' names in the clinic's storage system.  Common Questions About Embryo Donation Laws   Can embryo donors claim parental rights later?   Generally, no, if proper legal agreements are in place. Separate representation by lawyers will ensure there is no claim later on that one party didn't understand what they were signing. Be sure to talk to your attorney about whether you should do a second parent adoption if you are a same-sex couple. Some states may also recommend or require a post-birth legal proceeding to terminate donor rights and establish legal parentage for the recipient parents.  Do children have the right to know who their embryo donors were?   This depends on state laws and the agreement between donors and recipients. Colorado currently will provide adult donor-conceived children the right to access donor information, while other states like California and Washington will allow the donor to determine if they agree to disclosure if the child approaches the clinic after turning 18. Note that studies do show that donor-conceived children benefit from being told about their donor conception and having a chance to connect with the donors, especially in the case where they have biological siblings, from the donor’s family.  How is embryo donation different from embryo adoption?   While the terms are sometimes used interchangeably, "embryo adoption" often implies a more adoption-like process with home studies and other adoption practices. "Embryo donation" typically refers to the medical and legal transfer of embryos without the full adoption framework. However, both processes accomplish the same goal: transferring legal rights to frozen embryos from the creators to intended parents.  Final Thoughts   Embryo donation can be a wonderful way to build a family while helping another family complete their fertility journey, but the legal steps are important to protect everyone involved. Working with an experienced fertility lawyer ensures your family is legally protected now and in the future.  At Tsong Law Group, we help guide you through every legal step of the embryo donation process, explaining complicated legal terms in simple language and making sure your family's future is secure.  Have questions about embryo donation or other family-building options? Contact us today for a consultation about your specific situation.

Thinking about sperm donation? Whether you're considering becoming a donor or using donated sperm to start a family, it's important to understand the legal process involved. At Tsong Law Group, we specialize in helping families navigate these waters. Let's break down the legal steps of sperm donation in simple terms. What is a Sperm Donation? Sperm donation is when a man agrees to give his sperm to help someone else have a baby. This can help people who can't have children on their own, like single women, same-sex female couples, or heterosexual couples.  The Legal Process: Step by Step 1. Initial Screening Prior to the contract drafting stage, before a clinic will allow a sperm donation, the potential donor must have a health screening. These tests check for sexually transmitted diseases which may make the pregnancy unsafe or diseases and genetic conditions that could be passed to children. Donors may also answer questions about their family health history or undergo a genetic screening, and in some cases the parties will undergo psychological screening.  In some states, an home insemination may be permissible, in which case the parties do not have to perform a screening, but in all states where sperm donation is recognized, assisted reproduction and not sexual intercourse must be used to achieve pregnancy in order for it to be a legal sperm donation.  2. Choosing Your Attorney.   When a directed donation occurs, between a donor and the intended parents directly rather than a donor and the sperm bank or intended parents and a sperm bank, you should have a legal contract in place prior to the sperm donation. When a sperm bank is used, the sperm bank will have a contract predrafted, although you may wish to have a lawyer review the contract.  In a directed donation, the legal stage consists of each of the parties, the intended parents or recipients, and the sperm donor (and spouse if he has one) choosing and signing on with their own lawyer. Both parties will have separate legal representation throughout the sperm donation process. The legal fees for both parties are usually covered by the intended parents. It is crucial to select an attorney experienced in drafting sperm donation agreements and familiar with the law. You can read this blog article to see what qualities to look for when choosing your lawyer. 3.  Representation Agreement.   Once selected, the lawyer will send the party a representation agreement or letter, which will explain what the scope of services the lawyer is providing. Both the sperm donor and the intended parents will sign the representation agreement with their respective attorneys. This is not the actual contract between the parties but your agreement to agree to representation with your lawyer. 4.  Drafting the Sperm Donation Agreement.   The lawyer for the intended parents will typically draft the sperm donation agreement based on the information the agency or intended parents have given them. The sperm donor’s lawyer usually reviews the contract with the donor. In some cases, the contract may be pre-drafted and the parties review and revise them separately. Your sperm donation agreement will cover details such as: Parental rights and responsibilities of the child; Financial obligations to donor; What future contact the parties will have including with the child; Sharing of medical information and updates on contact information; Confidentiality requirements The agreement will also describe a level of disclosure of identities, ranging from anonymous to fully disclosed. An undisclosed or anonymous donation may have stricter FDA requirements on testing and quarantining.  5. Reviewing the Sperm Donation Agreement.   Schedule a review appointment with your attorney to go through the sperm donation agreement thoroughly. Read the sperm donation agreement beforehand because your lawyer will not read it aloud for you. Make sure your spouse is also present for the review if they signed the representation agreement, as they will be a party to the agreement. The review is the time to address any questions or suggest changes. 6. Negotiating and Finalizing.   Once you approve the draft or redline your attorney sends you after your review, they will present the draft or redline to the other side's attorney and the negotiation begins. Once both parties approve the latest version, a final sperm donation agreement will then be circulated for signing. 7. Signing the Agreement.   Most of the time, the parties do not need to notarize their sperm donation agreements. However, some parties will prefer to notarize if they want to verify the identity of the person signing and some states such as New York will require a notarized contract to be effective. The attorney may send you a PDF which can be printed and advise if you need to notarize the agreement. 8. Issuing of Legal Clearance .  Once both parties have signed, the intended parents' attorney will issue a legal clearance letter to the clinic or bank which allows the retrieval procedures to occur or for existing vials to be transferred to the intended parents’ names. Common Questions About Sperm Donation Laws Can a sperm donor claim parental rights later? Generally no, if proper legal agreements are in place. Separate representation by lawyers will ensure there is no claim later on that one party didn’t understand what they were signing.  Be sure to talk to your attorney about whether you should do a second parent adoption if you are a same sex couple. If you don't follow the legal process correctly, a donor might be able to claim rights or could be responsible for child support.  Do children have the right to know who their donor was? This depends on state laws and the agreement between donors and recipients. Colorado currently will provide adult donor conceived children the right to access donor information, while other states like California and Washington   will allow the donor to determine if they agree to disclosure if the child approaches the clinic after turning 18. Note that studies do show that donor conceived children benefit from being told about their donor conception and having a chance to speak with the donor. You can read our article on the different options for donor contact here. Final Thoughts Sperm donation can be a wonderful way to build a family, but the legal steps are important to protect everyone involved. Working with an experienced fertility lawyer ensures your family is legally protected now and in the future. At Tsong Law Group, we help guide you through every legal step of the sperm donation process, explaining complicated legal terms in simple language and making sure your family's future is secure. Have questions about sperm donation or other family-building options? Contact us today for a consultation about your specific situation.

Ellen Smith is a mother, adoptee, surrogate, and podcast host who has dedicated much of her life to helping others grow their families. In this interview, Ellen shares how her own adoption shaped her, what it was like to carry triplets as a surrogate, and how her daughter’s interest in surrogacy sparked the creation of their podcast, Stop.Sit.Surrogate . Q: Can you tell us about your surrogacy journeys? A:  I carried a single baby for the first journey, then triplets, and finally twins: all three for gay couples. I did them in 2000, 2001 and 2005. So, basically, in a span of 5 years I did three surrogacies to help create other families, which was a lot. I didn't really realize we were going that fast, but I was older when I started, so I wanted to get as many in as I could. Back then, things were so different. There wasn’t a lot of information or support. Everything was in-person, and only a few agencies worked with same-sex couples. The triplets were a tough one. The agency really pressured us to reduce the pregnancy, but we said no. We talked to a great doctor at UCI who reassured us we could do it safely. I carried all three to 32 weeks. They’re all in college now! Q: How did you first get interested in becoming a surrogate? A : Being adopted had a huge impact. I found out when I was 8. My parents sat me down on our green couch and told me, and I just said, “Can I go play?” They were my parents. That's the only parents I knew. I had a whole extended family from that. I had a brother. I had a sister. We were all adopted from different families. None of us are related. Growing up I didn’t look anything like my family: I had these bright blue eyes and dark hair. That's the family I knew. Around middle school, when I was trying to figure out my identity, I started to wonder why I looked like this, but it was never really an issue. It didn’t really sink in until I had my own kids. When I had my son, I looked at him and went, "My god, that's my nose." It was just this light bulb and I was like, " I have to do this." Before I married my current husband, I told him, “I need to do this. It’s called surrogacy. And once we’re done having kids, I have to do it.” Five years later, our family was complete, and I brought it up again—but he wasn’t on board. I hate to say it, but it almost caused us to separate. It was that important to me to allow somebody who wanted a biological child to have one. Q: Tell us about your reunion with your birth mother. A : Yeah, it was crazy. The Internet wasn't really big back then. I got a letter at work from the Social Security office with all of my names on it: my first married name and my second married name. I'm like, “This is weird.” So I ripped it open, thinking I'm probably getting some money or something, but instead it’s, “The Social Security office has agreed to send this on our behalf.” It was from an agency from Philadelphia called Catholic Society. And it said, "There is someone who is looking for you. Please contact us.” I was in California. They were in Pennsylvania. It was 3 PM in California when I got this letter. I couldn’t call anybody because they were closed. It was 6 PM over there. So, I was up the whole night wondering, “What is it?” Didn't sleep a wink. I immediately left work and went to my mom's house—the one who raised me—and said, "Here's a letter. This is what I got." And she said, "It's about time." I always said I wouldn’t go looking for my birth mom, but if she looked for me, I’d be open. And she did. She reached out through the adoption agency after losing her husband. We had to send letters back and forth through the adoption agency so that they could scan the letters, make sure they were appropriate, and they would mail them on. (What an invasion of privacy!) It was standard practice back then because it had been a closed adoption.  We had to do that for six months and we couldn’t even exchange phone numbers. When they finally said we could exchange phone numbers, we did. We called one another and I flew to Pennsylvania. I took a redeye and we met for lunch. I brought a big book of all my baby pictures because I thought that maybe she would want to see. She had never seen me, not even once, or ever held me. So I took the book and we met and it was like looking in a mirror. It was weird. Same high cheekbones, same nose, even our hand gestures were the same. I hate to say it, but we have the same hips. They're great for birthing babies. We stayed close for 17 years until she passed away. I did the eulogy at her funeral. Q: How did your adoptive parents react to you meeting your birth mom? A : When I first received that letter, she was full-on supportive. “Do it.” My dad had passed already, so she was all, "Yeah, do it. You have to. You'll regret it if you don't search this out.” I found out later that she was very heartbroken that I didn't invite her to go meet my birth mom. It was a very private thing. I had to do that alone. I didn't even take my husband. He went with me to Pennsylvania for support, but he didn't go to the meeting. She needed to work through that. Eventually, she did and they actually met and became little writing buddies. They would write back and forth. It was really sweet. They were friends for about a decade. Q: Your daughter Kenedi is also a surrogate. How did you feel watching her surrogacy journeys? A:  Kenedi was five during my first journey and six when I carried the triplets. That's the one that sparked her interest. She was a little mature for her age, so she understood it. The dads were amazing—they came to visit, took us out, and made my kids feel included. Kenedi remembers that the most. When I was very, very big with the triplets, people would ask, "Are you excited to have a new baby brother or sister?" and she would respond, “They’re triplets and they’re not ours.” People would just go silent. She got a lot of shock value out of it. Back then, no one really knew much about surrogacy. I was very shocked that she wanted to do it. She had her motivating reasons behind why she wanted to do surrogacy. She had a very easy pregnancy with her son and she was very young. She was 21 when she did her first surrogacy. I was 32. She had social media and she was taking pictures of the belly bump and doing all these little things. She had a blast with it. I was worried when she came home and said, "They're going to transfer one embryo." I went, "My God! No, no! You have to put in extras because you have to make sure it takes, right?" No. Science has caught up. When I did it, you just threw a bunch in: three, four at a time. Now science has gotten so good that it's hard to get two embryos placed inside as a transfer. Q: How else has surrogacy changed since your days? A:  It’s changed a lot. When I did it, we didn’t have social media. We had to go to in-person support groups. Matching took forever. You had to have your insurance in place. You had to have everything done. And it was all done in person. So, you had to take a day off and go to LA to meet everybody. There were a lot of moving parts. Now it's like, “Get on Zoom at 8 o'clock in the morning or whatever and do your thing.” You can do international surrogacies very easily now. You have so many choices now. Agencies have been popping up on the corner of every block lately. Sometimes it's too many agencies and you don't know who is going to protect you. I think I'd rather be doing it now, with all the information. I'm going to be 100% honest with you: we didn't have support from our agencies back then. We just didn't. Now the surrogates are valued. They're respected. They can say if something doesn't feel right and their agency will back them up. I've seen it in Kenedi's case. And now, they have the surrogate community that will be with them and help them through it. Q: What advice do you have for new surrogates? A:  So you can't go in expecting to have a best friend in your couple or your intended parent. That cannot be on the table.  You are doing this to help someone have a child that they would otherwise not be able to have. You're trying to help them create their family. Go in with that intention. Go in with an open heart. Go in with transparency, respect on both sides, and a relationship will naturally build. You don't know what it's taken for that couple or that intended parent to get to the point where they've had to turn to surrogacy. There may have been a loss, but they're turning to surrogacy because it's hope. Give them time. If they're a bit overbearing, it's because it's so important to them. Don't take it personally. Q: Is there a moment from your journeys that really stands out? A:  Definitely the triplets. I was the second surrogate to carry triplets in my agency and it was very, very frowned upon. They wanted us to selectively reduce. They did not want that triplet pregnancy to go through. We fought it tooth and nail. In the contract, it said I had to do whatever they wanted me to do. If there were multiples, because we had no idea if we were getting multiples, they had the right to decide. When we ended up with multiples, they went to a fertility specialist. I went to the top fertility specialist. We came back to the table and brought back very different information. The agency was pushing the couple to reduce. My doctor said, "Triplets are just like twins. You just have to be a little bit more careful. Once you get to quads, it's a little different."  I said, "Okay, we don't have quads, so let's do it." The agency was pushing for reduction because surrogacy was kind of new back then. They needed the outcomes to be good. I was at the doctor’s office to find out which baby they were going to reduce when I started hemorrhaging. I thought I was losing the entire pregnancy. I was 16 weeks, which is a little late for a reduction. They got me right in and checked. All three heartbeats were still there. The doctor had pressed so hard to try and find where he wanted to go for the reduction that it ruptured a hematoma behind one of the baby's sacks. It was going to rupture anyway, but his pressing with the ultrasound probe made it happen sooner. I stayed in the hospital for two days, but all the babies were fine. The couple called me and said, “We think it’s a sign. Please carry all three.” The weight of all that stress coming off my shoulders was unbelievable. One of those babies—the one they almost chose to reduce—is now graduating from USC. He just invited me to his graduation in May. Conclusion Ellen Smith’s experience as an adoptee and as a surrogate is a powerful reminder that family is not defined by genetics alone—it’s shaped by commitment and love and sometimes with the help of others. Her perspective sheds light on two unique sides of family formation pathways, reminding us that both ways are possible paths to building your family, and that both have changed over time as psychological studies determine that being open about a child’s origin story is beneficial to the child.  At Tsong Law Group, we understand that every surrogacy and adoption story is unique. Whether you're beginning your own journey, supporting someone else, or simply exploring your options, we’re here to offer guidance, legal clarity, and heartfelt support. Want to stay informed and inspired?  Subscribe to our newsletter for the latest updates, educational resources, and real stories from surrogates, parents, and adoptees. Visit   www.tsonglaw.com  to learn how we can support you in building your family. And don’t forget to check out Stop. Sit. Surrogate  on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts to hear more voices and conversations about what surrogacy is really like—from the people who’ve lived it. We did an episode with them that you can find here .

Just like California and Washington , if you are planning to be one of the New York surrogates, you have the right to take paid time off work while you are unable to work due to pregnancy under New York State's maternity leave regulations. The state also provides new parents in New York with paid leave, so Intended Parents working in New York can enjoy paid baby bonding time. The paid time off in New York includes: Pregnancy Disability Leave which arises under New York's Disability Benefits Law. It provides compensation for pregnant women when they are unable to work due to pregnancy; and Parental Leave which arises under New York's Paid Family Leave Law entitling both new mothers and fathers to part of their lost wages. Prenatal Leave which arises under New York's new paid prenatal leave law that started January 1, 2025. This gives employees time off for doctor visits and other pregnancy-related healthcare. New York's Paid Prenatal Leave Law Starting January 1, 2025   New York's new paid prenatal leave law gives private-sector employees 20 hours of paid leave per year for prenatal healthcare services. This includes doctor's visits during or related to pregnancy, and it covers employed surrogates too. Key points about this new law: All private-sector employees qualify, no matter the size of the employer. You get 20 hours of paid leave during a 52-week period. This covers prenatal doctor visits, medical tests, and other healthcare services during pregnancy. You'll be paid your regular rate or minimum wage, whichever is higher. Your employer cannot ask for details about your prenatal visit. You don't need to work a minimum number of hours to get this benefit. Employers cannot make you use other types of leave before using Prenatal Leave. This is separate from other leave policies your employer may have. Parental Leave Under New York's Paid Family Leave Law  You may only claim parental leave once you have physically returned to your work and, thereafter, are no longer eligible for short-term disability. Under New York's Paid Family Leave Law, you have the right to take 12 weeks of paid, job-protected leave to bond with a new child or care for a family member with a serious health condition. How much will you be paid under the law? During your paid family leave, you will receive 67% of your average weekly wage up to a cap of 67% of the current statewide average weekly wage which varies by year. For 2025, New York's average weekly wage is $1,757.19, which means the maximum weekly benefit you'll receive during your paid family leave is $1,177.32. Estimate your Paid Family Leave benefits here . You may only be eligible for parental leave after 26 weeks of employment if you work 20 hours per week or more. Meanwhile, if you work fewer than 20 hours per week, you are eligible after 175 days of work. There are 2 cases in which you can file for parental leave under the Paid Family Leave Law. If it is foreseeable, you must give your employer advance notice so they can plan for your absence. However, if the event was not foreseeable, you must notify your employer immediately. You must fill out the Request for Paid Family Leave (Form PFL-1) and submit it to your employer before or within thirty days after the start of your leave. The insurance carrier or your employer must pay or deny your request within eighteen calendar days of receiving the completed request. In the event that you disagree with your insurance carrier's decision, you may request arbitration for a denial or any other Paid Family Leave claim-related dispute with the National Arbitration and Mediation forum. The New York's Short-term Disability Law  One of the medical conditions covered under this law is any pregnancy-related illnesses or complications. You're entitled to coverage only for the time when you're unable to work due to pregnancy or childbirth. If you're pregnant, you're entitled to disability for up to four weeks before your due date and up to six weeks after giving birth (eight weeks if you delivered by Caesarian section). If you need more Temporary Disability Insurance (TDI), you might have to submit additional medical documentation to support your claim. However, you might be automatically eligible for paid family leave once your TDI has ended. You are eligible for Short-term Disability payments in New York with the following criteria set by the law: An individual who is working or has recently worked at least four consecutive weeks at a job that is considered to be owned by a "covered employer." Individuals who change from one covered employer to another covered employer. As long as your employment was continuous, coverage for short-term disability starts on your first day of work. A domestic or personal employee who works at least 40 hours per week for one employer. Individuals who are not employed by a covered employer but elect for voluntary coverage. A covered employer includes those that have one or more employees. However, excluded from the definition of a covered employer are government workers, religious leaders, those providing work in return for charity care, and high school students who work part-time or only during vacations. Medical certification is needed to support your claim that you are unable to work due to your pregnancy or recovery from delivery. To apply for Short-term Disability, you must submit a DB-450 form along with any additional documents to your employer or insurance carrier within thirty days of your inability to work due to a disability. If the insurance carrier or your employer decides that your claim is not covered, they are required to notify you within forty-five days. Nevertheless, this does not take away your right to a review by the New York Workers' Compensation Board. Conclusion  It is crucial to remember that you cannot take Short-term Disability benefits and Parental Leave at the same time. This means if you have recovered from the temporary disability caused by your pregnancy and recovery from childbirth, only thereafter can you begin your Parental Leave. However, parental leave will not apply to surrogates as they will not be caring for the child after birth. The new Prenatal Leave benefit provides additional support specifically for pregnancy-related healthcare visits, making it easier for surrogates to attend necessary medical appointments without losing pay. The possibility of paid leave is an important consideration in a surrogacy contract as lost wages are an uncertain financial component of a surrogacy journey. States like New York which provide paid leave for disabled working surrogates will effectively reduce the burden of lost wages on intended parents. In addition, intended parents in New York should take advantage of the paid family leave as baby bonding time. If you are planning to be a surrogate or are soon becoming an intended parent, schedule an appointment to speak with one of our surrogacy lawyers , and we can discuss how to incorporate paid leave into lost wages provisions for your surrogacy journey. This article is for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon without additional research or consulting an attorney. This article is not legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship with the reader.

For a long time, intended parents and surrogates have had to come up with ways to explain the surrogacy journey to their children. Surrogates will need to explain to their children that the baby they are carrying will not be part of their family but will join another family. Intended parents seek ways to explain to their children that they were born through surrogacy, or explain the role of their surrogate to their current children. While there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to discussing the surrogacy process to your child, some experts suggest to start it as early as possible. Fortunately, as surrogacy becomes more and more common, there are now more and more childrens’ books that address the subject. Reading to your child is a fun and age-appropriate way to explain and normalize surrogacy to your children, whether you are a surrogate or intended parent. In this article, we will discuss some children's books about surrogacy. 1. The Kangaroo Pouch: A Story About Surrogacy For Young Children By: Sarah A. Phillips (Author) and Laurie A. Faust (Illustrator) For ages: 2-6 years old Available on Kindle and in print. The Kangaroo Pouch is a great start for children to learn the concept of surrogacy as it uses kangaroos as an analogy. It underscores the reason why a mother uses surrogate and portrays the situations during the pregnancy. One of the most important concepts highlighted by the book is the question on whether the baby is given back to their biological parents after conceived. The Kangaroo Pouch is from the perspective of a child of a surrogate. Who is this book for: intended parents’ existing children, future children, and surrogates’ children. 2. Mommy, Who is Miss Amy? A Tale of Surrogacy By: J.D. Quarles (Author), Emily Ivie (Illustrator) For ages: 3 to 6 years old Available on Kindle Unlimited and in print. Mommy, Who Is Miss Amy? features a story of a young boy who is curious about his parents’ surrogate and learns how Miss Amy helped his parents’ dream of having him come to life. This will help the child understand the intended parents’ reasons for surrogacy and the step-by-step process of a surrogate’s pregnancy. Note that there is a companion book titled Mommy, Who is Miss Becky? drawn from the perspective of a girl for intended parents of girls. Who is this book for: intended parents’ children born from surrogacy. 3. Mommy is a Basket: Our Journey as a Surrogate By: Cj Love (Illustrator), Linda Rinderknecht (Editor), Kya Buchanan (Author) For ages: 3 to 6 years old Available on Kindle Unlimited and in print. Mommy is a Basket features a story of a girl whose mother is about to become a surrogate, and how she learns about different aspects of her pregnancy. This picture book explains in detail the process of surrogacy from the surrogate’s perspective. Note that this story imagines a continuing relationship with intended parents after the birth which does not occur in all journeys. The art is also a bit limited and reused throughout book. Who is this book for: gestational surrogates’ children. 4. The Very Kind Koala By: Kimberly Kluger-Bell (Author and Illustrator) For ages: 3 to 6 years old Available in print only. The Very Kind Koala features a simple yet delightful introduction to surrogacy for young children by featuring a koala husband and wife who need the help of a very kind koala to carry their baby in her pouch. With its heartfelt drawings, this book can keep children engaged and is easy to understand. The Very Kind Koala is written from the perspective of the child born from surrogacy. One nice aspect is it allows the child to personalize the book with their own text or pictures from their own family. Who is this book for: Intended parents’ children born from surrogacy. 5. It Takes a Galaxy: A Surrogacy Story By: Auntie Boppy (Author) For ages :  4 to 8 years old Available in print and eBook formats. It Takes a Galaxy  tells the enchanting story of Taylor and Jamie, two unicorns in Unicorn Land, who dream of growing their family. With the help of several magical friends, they begin a surrogacy journey to welcome a baby into their lives. This heartfelt book highlights just how many loving people it takes to bring one special child home. What makes this book shine is how it keeps the magic alive while gently introducing the concept of surrogacy. The story celebrates teamwork, friendship, and the beautiful reality that families are built with the help of many hearts. It's a perfect starting point for parents to talk with children about surrogacy in a warm, whimsical way. Who is this book for: intended parents’ children, surrogates’ children, and any family wanting to share the magic behind their surrogacy story. 6. My Mom Has Superpowers By: Ellen M. Smith and Kenedi Smith For ages: 4 to 8 years old Available in print. My Mom Has Superpowers  is a touching surrogacy story told through the eyes of a child whose mother is helping another family grow. This heartfelt book is from the point of view of a young boy whose mom is going to be a surrogate for a gay male couple. Told with warmth and understanding, the story explains to the child why the intended parents are seeking to have a child, what steps the mom has to undertake to become pregnant, and how the surrogacy continues through the pregnancy through the birth.  Written by former surrogates and mother and daughter, Ellen and Kenedi Smith, this story shows the journey of a surrogate as one filled with kindness, strength, and love.  Who is this book for: children of gestational surrogates and families wanting to teach the value of helping others. This is just a small sample of the amazing children’s books about surrogacy that can help your children understand the complex process. For guidance on the legal aspects of surrogacy, by contacting Tsong Law Group.

Previously, we reviewed four children’s books discussing surrogacy. Just as in surrogacy, children are interested in their origins. Having a conversation with donor-conceived children at an early age about their genetic origin can be beneficial in the long-term mindset. Children’s books on the subject of egg and sperm donation will provide age-appropriate ways to understand their origin. Here are our reviews of some children’s books on gamete donation: 1. The Bird Family: An Egg Donation Story By: Sofia Bird For ages: Babies – 5 years old Available on Kindle Unlimited and in print. A short story of introduction to egg donation using birds and is a good first story to normalize the concept of egg donation. It features a Mama and Papa Bird wanting to have another baby bird, however, on their second attempt, their egg breaks. Thankfully, Doctor Owl was there to help. The book is surprisingly short and an older child might wonder what happens next. 2. Fluffy, The Miracle Bunny: A Sweet Story About The Magic of Egg Donation By: Blossom Tailor For ages: 4-8 years old. Available on Kindle and in print. A children’s book detailed illustrations, Fluffy, the Miracle Bunny features a story of Fluffy, a bunny who was conceived with the help of egg donation. The story commences when Fluffy was curious about how he was conceived but through a detailed explanation of his loving bunny parents, Fluffy was able to accept his unique story and realize how special and loved he is. This book is fairly direct in explaining the egg donation and the pregnancy. 3. Toby’s Question By: Elaine Cronjé For ages: 2-7 years old. Available on Kindle Unlimited and in print. As children conceived through egg donation grow, they may notice differences in their features which may lead to curiosity about their origins. Toby’s Question is a simple children’s book that starts when Toby, a bear, asks why his hair is different from his Mommy and Daddy's hair. Rather than discuss eggs and sperm, this book uses the analogy of a basket of berries and basket of fish. This book is recommended if you want to impart to your children the concept of egg donation in a subtle and comfortable way. Unfortunately, the Kindle version of the book has a formatting issue so it cannot be viewed in landscape mode. 4. The Pea That Was Me: A Sperm Donation Story By: Kimberly Kluger-Bell, LMFT For ages: 5-6 years old. Available in print only. A simple and short story, The Pea That Was Me is available in multiple versions for almost any donor conception scenario (egg, sperm, embryo, surrogacy, different gender single parents, heterosexual or gay couples, etc.). It is a type of children’s book that explains donor conception in a fun and celebratory way. The basic The Pea That Was Me: A Sperm Donation Story book features a story of a little boy with a pea and leaf on his head and he is curious about how he was conceived. The story continues to explain that the Pea's mommy and daddy could not make a baby pea because daddy’s sperm was not working. This book is perfect for simple but clear concepts about the three things it takes to make a baby which are eggs, sperm and a tummy to grow in. It's great that the author chose to a book for nearly every situation so that any child can read about a family or situation that resembles their own. 5.  Dreamed of You: The Story of an Egg Donor Baby By: Lori Metz For ages: 3–7 years old Available in print and eBook formats. I Dreamed of You  is a gentle and heartfelt story that beautifully captures the deep love parents feel for their donor-conceived child. Written by Lori Metz, this book is essentially a love letter from parent to child, expressing the hopes, dreams, and determination it took to bring their little one into the world. Rather than focusing heavily on medical details, the book takes an emotional approach—framing the journey through egg donation as an act of love and destiny. It's a great way to help young children understand that they were deeply wanted and that their story is something to be celebrated. 6.  Happy Together: An Egg Donation Story By: Julie Marie For ages: 2–6 years old Available in print and as part of a 13-book series. Happy Together: An Egg Donation Story is a sweet and simple introduction to the concept of egg donation. With cheerful illustrations and clear, loving language, the book follows Mommy and Daddy Bear on their journey to become parents—with the help of a kind doctor, a generous egg donor, and Daddy’s seed. Their greatest wish comes true when a baby begins to grow in Mommy’s tummy and is welcomed with joy. This book is part of a 13-book series that includes stories for nearly every kind of family built through donor conception—mom and dad, two moms, two dads, single parents, and different types of donors. It’s a wonderful resource for families looking to find a story that reflects their child’s unique beginnings. There are many amazing children's books about gamete donation available in the market, enough to introduce the topic multiple times at an early age so that your child will come to think it is a normal way of having a family. For guidance on assisted reproductive law contact us, Tsong Law Group.

One of the most common questions surrogates have is who to pick as their surrogacy agency. The agency you choose will be with you throughout your journey, from the point of matching with intended parents, through post-delivery and making sure your bills are paid for. Picking the right surrogacy agency is very important, but there are so many agencies and if you’re a qualified surrogate they will be doing their best pitch to have you join them.  How do you tell them apart?  Here are three factors you should consider.  Agency Longevity and Reputation   The length of time a surrogacy agency has been in business tells you a lot about their experience and stability. Agencies that have been around for many years have likely navigated almost any imaginable surrogacy situations and will have a track record of successful journeys. When researching a surrogacy agency, look for those with a proven history of having years of experience in the surrogacy industry. When considering newer agencies, you will want to look at the experience and background of the owners and their managers. Were they previously owners, directors or case managers at successful surrogacy agencies?  Reviews and reputation  are also important. Look beyond the testimonials and reviews on their website and seek out independent reviews from past surrogates. Note that most agencies provide referral fees for surrogates, so take unsolicited agency recommendations with a grain of salt. Is the person who is referring to an agency just out to get a referral fee? Some recruiters have no experience with the agency they are recruiting for. And just because someone has multiple recommendations, is that just a sign that the agency is larger or has more recruiters? If they are getting a referral fee, should they disclose it and split with you?  Google and other online reviews can be revealing. An agency with consistently positive reviews from surrogates is a good sign, but be aware that reviews can be faked or bought outright, so pay attention to detail in reviews regarding communication, support, and overall experience, and consider contacting the reviewer or asking for references. Signs that An Agency Is Ethical and Will Support You Ethical, supportive surrogacy agencies prioritize the wellbeing of surrogates and maintain high professional standards. Key markers of an agency that will support you and be ethical include: Membership or leadership in professional organizations like SEEDS (Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy). Transparency about who owns or runs the agency. Screens their intended parents’ with criminal background checks and psychological consultations. Offers monthly support groups and psychological counseling throughout pregnancy and postpartum Has a track record of continuing support to ensure your medical bills and expenses will be paid for after the journey is over. Surrogate support  goes beyond just medical coordination. The best agencies provide comprehensive support that includes mental health resources, postpartum care, and ongoing communication. It may include flexibility to include special requests like a doula or midwife.  They should have dedicated support staff who understand the unique emotional and physical challenges of surrogacy. While all agencies should have stories of their successful journeys, one thing that can differentiate agencies is their approach to problems along the way. You should want to know what would happen if intended parents disappear or stop funding the journey , or if you have a late lien or medical bill that is left unpaid? Or what if there were problems with the escrow company ? What if your intended parents are rude or micromanaging? What is their approach? Have they handled or do they have a plan for these possible scenarios? Autonomy in contracting, decision making, and compensation Autonomy  is critical in any surrogacy journey, and a good agency will give you autonomy and respect. They should never pressure you into medical procedures such as risky multiple embryo transfers or lifestyle choices that make you uncomfortable.  The benefit package structure should be transparent, with compensation, additional allowances, and payment schedules clearly spelled out and better yet, they allow you to choose your compensation, even if they do suggest what their experience is with the market.  You should always have the right to choose your own attorney, and the agency should support your choice of independent legal representation  in your state. Your attorney should represent only your interests and not be beholden to the agency or the intended parents. The agency should also not pressure you during the legal phase to accept the contract or withdraw your redline changes.   Lastly, your agency should not require you to sign a non-compete or exclusivity agreement, or an agreement that prohibits you from speaking about your experiences with the agency, or that makes you financially liable for costs if you need to withdraw from the process. These agreements are meant to lock you in with an agency, when the agency has to build a relationship of trust. You cannot be bound to agreements to not work with the agency on a subsequent journey or be liable for breaking that.   Conclusion   Choosing the right surrogacy agency  is a deeply personal decision. Take your time, do your research, and ask plenty of questions. At Tsong Law Group, we specialize in surrogacy law and representation. We work in a collaborative fashion, and can schedule a review for a surrogacy contract right away, with times convenient to you. With over 110 five star reviews, Super Lawyer distinction, and thirty years of experience, our attorneys can review your agreements, explain your rights, and ensure you're protected throughout your surrogacy journey. We're committed to supporting surrogates and intended parents with compassionate, expert legal guidance. Disclaimer: This article provides general information and should not be considered legal advice. Laws regarding surrogacy vary by state and change over time. Please consult with a qualified surrogacy attorney for advice specific to your situation.

Our previous blogs have discussed  three tricky provisions in a surrogacy agreement  and  what’s in a surrogacy agreement.  One major part of a surrogacy agreement are the sections regarding the surrogate's behavior during pregnancy. These activity restrictions aim to protect the developing fetus, but they also raise important legal and ethical questions about bodily autonomy and enforceability. This article explores common activity restrictions in surrogacy agreements, their legal status, and best practices for intended parents and surrogates.  Common Activity Restrictions in Surrogacy Agreements   Surrogacy agreements typically include restrictions that fall into several categories:  Health and Medical Care   The duty to attend medical appointments and take medication as instructed by the physician;  Agreeing to certain recommended medical procedures such as prenatal diagnostic testing, induction and cesarean sections;  Obtaining permission from the physician before taking over-the-counter medication, alternative medicine, massage, acupuncture, or chiropractic procedures.  Lifestyle Choices   Restrictions on travel, especially by plane and in later pregnancy stages  Prohibitions on alcohol, tobacco, recreational drugs, and certain medications  Dietary restrictions (e.g., avoiding raw fish or meats, unpasteurized dairy, high-mercury fish)  Limitations on high-risk physical activities like strenuous sports or dangerous activities;  Environmental Considerations   Restrictions on exposure to certain chemicals or environmental hazards (x-rays)  Limitations on occupational risks (e.g., heavy lifting, exposure to toxins)  Guidelines regarding pet contact (particularly cat litter boxes due to toxoplasmosis risk)  Legal Enforceability of Restrictions   The enforceability of these restrictions will be based on contract law. However, some states such as Washington  or Texas state will allow a surrogate to make decisions to protect her health or the health of the fetus.   Remedies for Breach   Even when activity restrictions are included in an agreement, the available remedies for breach may be limited as:  It may be difficult or impossible to discover the breach because the intended parents cannot reasonably monitor what the surrogate eats or does.  The contract may state that if the surrogate does not cure a breach, payments can be stopped. Some attorneys and surrogates will not agree to this provision.  Termination of the contract usually will not be possible once pregnancy is established.  Surrogate's Bodily Autonomy   The surrogate retains fundamental rights to bodily autonomy which may not be contracted away. Courts will be reluctant to compel specific performance for activities or medical treatments.  Best Practices for Activity Restrictions   Based on legal precedent and ethical considerations, we recommend the following approaches:  For Intended Parents   Focus on medically-supported restrictions rather than personal preferences.  Discuss expectations openly during the matching process.  Be reasonable in your requests; no one likes to be micromanaged or mistrusted.  Include updates and communication protocols so you can be informed about the progress of pregnancy and when there are important medical decisions.  For Surrogates   Be honest and open about your willingness to accommodate lifestyle modifications  Discuss potential concerns before signing the agreement with your family and attorney.  Don’t sign unless you understand your rights and the potential consequences of non-compliance under the contract.  Maintain open communication about any difficulties following or understanding restrictions.  For All Parties   Work with experienced surrogacy lawyers familiar with your jurisdiction.  Consider mediation through a mediator or a mental health professional for resolving contract disputes.  Emphasize communication and cooperation rather than punitive measures  Work on building and extending trust throughout the relationship  Conclusion   Activity restrictions  in surrogacy agreements are an important aspect of the contract process but must be balanced against the surrogate's individual rights of privacy and right to make decisions about her body. The most successful surrogacy arrangements are those based on mutual respect, clear communication, and reasonable expectations. As legal enforceability of these provisions may not be guaranteed, the spirit of cooperation between parties will be the best measure of in the arrangement.  If you're considering becoming a surrogate or intended parent, consulting with an experienced reproductive attorney is essential to navigating these complex issues. Tsong Law Group specializes in surrogacy and gamete donation law and can provide personalized guidance for your specific situation. Contact us now . Disclaimer: This article provides general information and should not be construed as legal advice. Laws regarding surrogacy vary by jurisdiction and change over time. Please consult with a qualified attorney for advice specific to your situation.

Many surrogates consider an independent journey, or a surrogacy journey  without an agency, for various reasons. In our last blog, we discussed   independent surrogacy from the intended parents' perspective , highlighting the steps they must take. Now, we’ll focus on what independent surrogacy means for surrogates  and the key factors to consider. Some surrogates prefer the flexibility and direct relationship with intended parents, while others see it as a way to help a family they already know. However, independent journeys also come with challenges, including handling negotiations, legal steps, and screening without agency support. If you are considering an independent surrogacy journey, here are some essential qualifications, factors to consider, and steps to take before you move forward. Basic Qualifications to Be a Surrogate Before pursuing independent surrogacy, you must meet certain qualifications . These are common requirements set by fertility clinics and surrogacy professionals: A history of full-term live births – Surrogates must have had at least one full-term pregnancy and delivery. This is because past pregnancies provide proof that your body can carry a baby to term safely. U.S. citizen or green card holder – This is important for legal and medical reasons.  BMI of 32 or less – Many fertility clinics have BMI restrictions because a higher BMI can increase pregnancy risks, including gestational diabetes and preeclampsia, although some allow a higher BMI, while others require a lower one. Not on government assistance – Financial stability is a requirement because surrogacy should not be a financial decision made out of desperation. Most agencies prohibit surrogates from being on government assistance to avoid legal complications. Not taking antidepressant medication – Certain medications are incompatible with pregnancy. In addition, a history of mental illness may disqualify you.   A lack of a criminal record. If you do not meet these requirements, you may not be eligible to be a surrogate, whether through an agency or independently, although some altruistic journeys with relatives may be overlook some of these factors. Independent vs. Agency Surrogacy Before committing to an independent journey, it’s essential to understand how it differs from an agency-assisted  process. Less financial compensation – Some intended parents are choosing independent surrogacy to save money, meaning they may not offer the same compensation packages as agency matches. While many times the base compensation may match packages offered by agencies, the other allowances and compensation will not, and it will take careful research to determine what the market rate is on these if that is what you are expecting. No agency assistance – Agencies typically handle matching, screening, legal steps, and emotional support. In an independent journey, you will be responsible for finding and vetting intended parents, negotiating compensation, and coordinating medical steps and not having support outside of the intended parents and your own circle. More control over the process – Independent surrogacy allows you to choose your intended parents, set your terms, and have a more direct relationship. If you’re comfortable handling these aspects on your own, independent surrogacy may be a good option for you. Choosing Intended Parents Your relationship with the intended parents is one of the most important factors in an independent journey. You should ask yourself: Are these intended parents people you already know? (Friends or family members?) Were they referred to you by someone you trust? Did you find them through an online group or surrogacy community? Do they share your values regarding communication, medical decisions, and birth plans? It’s crucial to do your due diligence before moving forward. If you find it too hard to do it on your own, there are many consultants in the surrogacy field who will assist you and often at no cost to you. However, they may pass on their cost to the intended parents. In addition, your attorney can also conduct a background check on your intended parents if you don’t know them. Key Questions for the Initial Match Meeting Before agreeing to move forward, have an open discussion with the intended parents. Here are some important questions to ask: What are your expectations for communication during the pregnancy? How involved do you want to be in medical appointments and the birth? What are your views on medical decisions, such as termination, selective reduction and C-section preferences? Will I be expected to travel if my state’s laws are restrictive? How many embryos will you transfer?  What are your expectations regarding compensation and reimbursements? What state’s laws will the contract be drafted in?  Do you have embryos ready, who is your doctor and clinic, and do they have any specific requirements for surrogates? All of these questions are important. Clarifying expectations, including getting certain terms of the expected contract in writing, at an early stage can prevent misunderstandings later in the process. When to Talk About Compensation Compensation should be discussed before medical screening and before attorneys start drafting contracts. This ensures that both you and the intended parents are aligned on financial expectations. Be clear about base compensation, allowances, and potential additional fees (C-section, lost wages, maternity clothing, travel expenses, etc.). If you have a list of compensation terms you want, provide it and come to an agreement. Ask if they have escrow  set up for payments to be managed properly and how long escrow will remain open. Even in an altruistic or low compensation journey, ensure that the intended parents do not intend to take shortcuts or will be stingy by avoiding physicians, attorneys, and escrow. If intended parents hesitate to discuss compensation early on, it may indicate that they are not financially prepared for surrogacy. Should You Request a Background Check? Just as intended parents screen surrogates, surrogates should also ensure their intended parents are trustworthy. Before medical screening, consider asking for: A criminal background check – This helps ensure that you are working with responsible individuals. Financial verification – While this is not always required, knowing that intended parents have the financial means to pay for the journey as they promise can give you peace of mind. References from past surrogates (if applicable) – If they have had a previous surrogacy journey, speaking with their past surrogate can provide insight into their experience. Background checks are especially important if you are matching with intended parents you do not personally know. Final Thoughts Independent surrogacy can be a rewarding experience, but it requires careful planning and research. If you are not comfortable managing the process on your own, consider seeking support from surrogacy consultants, attorneys, or agencies that offer partial services. For more insights on independent journeys from a surrogate’s perspective, check out our interview with Dr. Grace Kao. At Tsong Law Group, we assist surrogates and intended parents in exploring independent surrogacy with legal guidance and professional referrals. If you have questions about your rights, compensation, or contract terms, contact us for a consultation.

In Grace Kao’s book My Body, Their Baby: The Ethics of Surrogacy , she tackles the question of what makes surrogacy ethical and consistent with progressive Christianity. Kao, a professor of theology at the Claremont School of Theology, responds to both feminist critiques that surrogacy exploits women and Christian conservative critiques that it violates family and motherhood. She draws from extensive research on surrogacy and personal experience to come up with an argument and framework   that gestational surrogacy aligns with both feminist principles of bodily autonomy and Christian values of caring for others. We sat down with Kao to explore how Kao became a surrogate for her friends, how her experience inspired her to research the field and write this book, and discuss her vision for bridging the gap between traditional religious values and modern reproductive choices. In our conversation, she shares insights about developing ethical surrogacy arrangements that protect all parties involved while honoring both feminist and Christian principles. Q. How did you decide to write the book?  A. When I agreed to carry for my friends, it was never with the thought of getting a book deal out of it. I was pregnant again at 40, and this was a surprise to many people, because I already had 2 small kids. I would have these exchanges where they would congratulate me but then I would say “Thanks but I'm actually caring for my friend. This is not a baby for me.” Many women told me, “I could never do that” while others said “I’ve thought about doing it for my sister or friend.” Some questioned whether I could “give up” the baby or what my husband thought. I found there is a lot of interest and misunderstanding about surrogacy and because I have the academic skills to do so, I thought I would commit it to writing about it. Q. What was your first exposure to surrogacy?  A. I used to watch Friends , the sitcom. There was this one episode in the 90s where one of the main characters, Lisa Kudrow’s character, Phoebe, ends up carrying triplets for her brother in the show. I forget how old I was, maybe I was in college or so but I remember thinking “Oh, that's like a really nice thing.” I didn't think it was odd. I just thought that's really cool. I didn’t know other surrogates. Years later, as someone who’s had easy pregnancies, I said “yes”  when a friend who had been struggling with infertility for a decade basically asked.  Q. How much research did you do before you entered into your surrogacy contract and what advice would you have for a potential surrogate who is doing research?  A. I actually did not do very much research before I agreed to be a surrogate. I came to learn that California is the surrogacy capital of the world and also what we needed to do to get a  pre-birth parentage order.  One of my biggest sore points is that I didn't fully understand that I had not contracted away my right to decide on things like embryo transfer, how many, or termination. Going forward, I would really want to make sure that surrogates understood that they never actually yield that right, whatever private agreement they might have with IPs.  And while the State of California doesn't require it, a good idea would be to schedule a few meetings between intended parents and the surrogate in the postpartum period. The literature shows that the sudden cutoff can be very painful, not because the surrogate bonds with the child, but because many surrogates form a bond with the IPs. If they had a few meetings already set, they could potentially continue to nurture that relationship because the research shows that continued contact between their baby and intended parents is in the best psychological interests of all involved.  Q. You talked about religious objections to surrogacy in your book. Can you tell us about those? A. I'm focused in the book on Christian objections, and depending on what religion you're talking about, there will be different ones.  In Judaism, there are cultural and religious pressures, especially in Israel, to continue the family line, to procreate. It's a pronatalist state, and so surrogacy there is heavily subsidized. But to conform with religious requirements , you have to make sure you have an unmarried woman who is a surrogate, and there is this whole approval process by a government committee.  In Islam, it's generally understood as haram  (forbidden) for one woman to bear a child for another owing to concerns about adultery and family lineage, though there are differences between Sunni and Shia Muslims and there have been cases of co-wives licitly serving as surrogates. In a Buddhist context, I talk in my book about how some Buddhist surrogates in Thailand understand  themselves as creating merit for themselves at the same time as they are performing these good  and compassionate deeds for others.   In my book, I'm focusing on Christian objections, and I would say that we can divide those as objections from the left and objections from the right. Objections from the right have to do with the “queerness” of inviting a third person into a husband-wife scenario and the IVF process creating thousands of embryos. If you hold a pro-life, life-begins-at-conception view, then you are really distraught about all those embryos that are never going to be brought to full term. There's also concern about choosing reproductive technology to expand your family instead of adoption. The Catholic version of the objection is about separating sex from reproduction - the Catholic Church teaches that even if you're doing artificial insemination by husband into his own wife, that is illicit because you are never to separate sex from reproduction. That's why you can't use artificial contraception, you can’t engage in same-sex sexual activity, you can’t masturbate, you can’t have an abortion – all of those activities separate conjugal union (sex) from procreation (reproduction)  Now from the left, what I do in the book is try to show that there's a gap, meaning there are mainline Protestant denominations who in the past several years/decades have approved marriage equality. You can be a gay minister, you can be a same-sex couple  in a legal marriage, and they've also approved the conscientious use of IVF for infertile couples in addition to adoption. So it's not so much that there are objections, but they have yet to resolve the issue about surrogacy, and at that point the concerns from the left mirror the concerns that secular folk, like secular feminists, have about surrogacy - about whether the practice is exploitative, whether IPs are just instrumentalizing and commodifying woman's bodies, that type of thing.  Q. Are the Biblical examples of surrogacy good arguments in support of modern surrogacy?   A. No. The Biblical models of surrogacy are actually pretty horrific, because they always involve older, more powerful women orchestrating relationships with their husband and their likely younger, more fertile “handmaids” or slaves. I’m talking about the stories of  Sarah and Hagar (with Abraham, Ishmael and Isaac), or the co-wives of Jacob (Leah and Rachel and their “surrogates” Bilhah and Zilpah), or Naomi with Ruth and Boaz. These are all examples of  traditional surrogacy. With the possible exception of the Ruth-Naomi-Boaz story, we would consider all of these today as non-consensual situations, because you cannot truly consent if you're someone's slave being told you have to have sex with someone else’s husband to bear a child for his wife.  So yes, absolutely, the Biblical models are awful, and there is not very much to be learned from them except to read them as cautionary tales for surrogacy practices today. Q. You talked about feminist reactions, what is your response to feminist arguments?  A. I'll start with two things. First, I think the asymmetry is strange. The asymmetry here is that secular and progressive Christian feminists have united and converged on the right of a woman or pregnancy-capable person to decide whether to continue a pregnancy or terminate it. There is universal agreement that's a good thing, again, not on the conservative side, but among feminists. However, they have not come to agreement on the good and right of a pregnancy-capable person to undertake a pregnancy for someone else. Somehow, it's okay to say ‘I'm going to continue my pregnancy, or I'm going to end it,’ but they get all concerned if you say ‘I'm going to undertake a pregnancy for someone else.’ I think that asymmetry undermines the larger claim about trusting women, about trusting that they know what they are and are not capable of, what they can and cannot handle, and respecting their autonomy, decision-making, and integrity. That's point number one. Point number two is that there is a widespread racialized understanding that it's rich white people going to Laos, Thailand, and India, etc. commissioning poor brown, yellow, and black bodies. In that image, the assumption is that those women don't know what they're doing, they're just tragic figures being duped or mesmerized by the money. That's problematic from a post-colonial perspective, but it's also problematic when you look at the actual studies and research. Women who get paid to become pregnant for others report a mixture of motives: many want the money – yes – but they also want to help others, they care about their maternal identity, and they want to help others become parents, too. If you're going to argue that poverty prevents surrogates in other countries from providing full and free consent, then you're technically committed to saying they can't consent to anything. They can't consent to work in a garment factory, to do custodial work, to do other care work, or anything. And then you have to wonder why critics are singling out surrogacy as an exploitative practice and not these other industries.   Q. In the past, opponents of surrogacy pointed out a surrogate was paid below minimum wage and that could be exploitative. Now that surrogate compensation has risen, sometimes to $50,000 or more, the argument has become that surrogates are making too much money, and and it’s too much of an incentive for women to become surrogates? A. All you have to do is watch reality TV to know what role financial inducements can play. If the incentive is too great, sometimes people will minimize risks, physical or psychological, they might be rushed into the process.  I think we have to accept that yes, money might change the equation. The problem I have, though, is the ‘therefore.’ Some people might say, ‘and therefore this is why we should not allow for it. We shouldn't allow for any compensation.’ But what I've seen is that prohibition just drives the practice underground. The UK is very interesting. Technically, you cannot run surrogacy as a commercial enterprise. You can't advertise your services, you can't put out an ad, but you can offer compensation. So far the courts have allowed something like 15,000 GBP, but in many cases, people are still paying under the table and not officially registering. There are all sorts of issues when the paperwork isn't done properly, and one reason people aren't doing the paperwork properly is because they don't want to get caught giving more compensation than they think the courts will allow. And this can pose problems down the road about legal custody and inheritance rights. I've become a bit of a realist about prohibition, it does not actually help to stop the practice, but simply drive it underground. Q. Your book is written from a progressive Protestant perspective, can you explain the how it differs from mainline and evangelical Protestant thinking?  A. “Progressive” is sometimes a word that people use interchangeably with "liberal," but "liberal" has a certain kind of connotation, too. The mainline Protestant denominations (Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopalian, Methodist, etc.) actually connect to specific institutional and church forms.  "Progressive Christian" is not something that is strictly bounded. For instance, I would say there are progressive Christians who are Catholics or there could be progressive Christians who technically go to an evangelical church. The reason I call it a progressive Christian vision is because I'm not starting from square one. I'm already starting from a set of commitments. For example, I support same-sex marriage and same-sex parenting. I'm not debating whether it's okay to use reproductive technology, because many mainline and a number of progressives will agree to that.  I say very clearly in my book, if you don't start with my premises "it's okay to be gay, it's okay to separate sex from reproduction" then there's nothing I've written in the book that will persuade you, because you will fundamentally reject my premises. I'm sure you know that Pope Francis has been speaking up about surrogacy. And even though I've written an op-ed in response, we just have completely different starting premises. My book can't really engage him or the Catholic Church where they’re at Q. What if someone is an evangelical Christian and is considering surrogacy (believe in reproductive rights or or gay marriage), what can they take away from your book?  A. About evangelicals: There are left-leaning, centrists, and right-leaning ones. Many evangelicals, just like many Catholics in conformity with the Catholic Church, will say life begins at conception. This is why they're anti-abortion. What I've found is that evangelicals, more so than Catholics, are supportive of IVF. This is why after the fall of Roe v. Wade , many states with trigger laws on abortion have been carving out exceptions for IVF. They have moral squeamishness about abortion, but many of them actually do and believe in IVF even though they have likely contributed to the death or destruction of embryos. Catholics are more consistent on the issue. Once you start with “you can't separate sex from reproduction,” you never get to the problem of “what about these embryos?” I think number one, evangelicals have to come to terms with the fact that if they are going to do this (gestational surrogacy or IVF), they may be complicit in the death and destruction of embryos.  Now, there are some evangelicals who offer advice contrary to ACOG . They basically say just fertilize one egg at a time—go through one cycle, then try to fertilize one egg and see if that one takes, because they're trying to be consistent. That's not a best practice medically. The other thing I talk about, although this gets us a little bit outside of surrogacy, is that some evangelical Christians are doing what they call "embryo adoption" where they are transferring surplus, cryopreserved embryos (leftover from others’ IVF cycles) because they want to give them a chance for life. Ultimately, I'm not going to start my argument with "is it okay to separate sex from reproduction?" I'm just starting from where many progressive Christians already are. Q. Your book talks largely altruistic or unpaid surrogacy journeys. What ethical guidelines do you believe should apply in compensated journeys?  A. I begin with unpaid surrogacy as a starting point, along with other baseline assumptions such as gestational surrogacy taking place within one legal jurisdiction, to establish my initial argument.  In Chapter 6, I specifically address what happens when these assumptions change—when surrogacy involves compensation, crosses borders, or is traditional rather than gestational. I propose seven ethical norms for surrogate arrangements. When parameters change, such as when arrangements cross jurisdictional boundaries or involve compensation, additional ethical considerations arise.  Regarding compensation, I argue that payment doesn't negate altruistic motives. If we assumed it did, we'd have to apply the same logic to firefighters, nurses, and teachers—claiming they only work for money or that their receipt of money cancels out their desire to help others, which isn't accurate. People can have multiple motivations.  Q. Should surrogacy be restricted to IPs who have a medical need for it? It's important to distinguish between ethical guidelines from a progressive Christian commitment and legal regulations.  In my book, I focused on the IPs’ medical necessity as a condition to get the progressive Christian argument off the ground (note: medical necessity here would be defined as a lack of a suitable uterus, so two gay men wanting to become parents through surrogacy would meet this requirement), but I understand why people might seek surrogacy for other reasons as well. In short, there might be many reasons for the law to protect or allow for arrangements outside of what I think progressive Christianity could support.  Q. If a surrogate lives in a state with restrictive abortion laws—where she cannot terminate the pregnancy after approximately 6 weeks, except under very limited circumstances or not at all—what ethical concerns do you have about this situation?  A. Given that earlier, I had said one of my regrets is that I didn't fully understand that I didn't sign away termination or embryo transfer rights, that's exactly part of the serious consideration a surrogate needs to take. If I get pregnant, how difficult is it to seek an abortion if needed? Almost every state has some sort of escape clause, if it's a life-or-death situation, they'll allow for an abortion. But if you dig deeper, we now have heard several cases where  women were miscarrying or seeking an abortion but were denied care because hospitals were not yet ready to intervene. And in some of the most tragic cases, this  delayed care led to the woman’s  death. So that's absolutely a very, very serious risk! This might be reason enough for someone to say, “No, I don't want to take this risk. Because if I'm not allowed to terminate, or if I have to be at this dangerous stage of medical failure before I can seek intervention, it's not worth it.”  Q. Your use of surrogate mother or surromom might disturb some in this field who believe the surrogate should not reference motherhood, can you explain why you chose that term and would you use a different term in compensated surrogacy?  A. I talk about this in the preface, because I know, medically, the term they would use for me is "gestational carrier." It's funny because there are academics who are offended by that term. They think "carrier" eliminates the agency and personhood of the surrogate. I decided to use "surromom" and "surrogate mother" because that's how women identify themselves. If you read surrogacy online discussion boards, Facebook groups, or look at the ethnographic literature, they don't have a problem using the word "mom." In saying that, they accept what's called "maternal multiplicity." If I'm a surromom, it doesn't mean that I'm the mother of my friend's child—it just means I served one of many maternal roles.  As a side note, I made a comment before about how my contract had all these weird clauses about how I promised not to form an intention to bond with the baby. They're so worried that even if the surrogate is carrying the child, she's going to naturally want to keep it. I think that's where the offense comes from. People are so worried it's not going to work out in the end that they're trying to create controlling language. I understand the legal and medical reasons why certain terms like “gestational carrier” or “surrogate mother” are used. But looking at the research and how these terms are actually being used by surrogates themselves, I didn't have a problem with using “surromom.” Conclusion My Body, Their Baby is a unique book that takes the deepest dive into the ethics and theology of surrogacy we know of from the unique perspective of a former surrogate. Kao takes the arguments of opponents of surrogacy seriously, and with the support of much published research, presents a framework of surrogacy that will appeal to progressive Christians and feminists.  It is a must read for anyone who works in the surrogacy field who wants to understand how to not just defend surrogacy arrangements from moral objections but make arguments that surrogacy is a social and Christian virtue. As voices against surrogacy grow, it may be important for supporters of surrogacy to find persuasive arguments, that makes Kao’s book all the more a timely read.  We at Tsong Law Group enjoyed reading this book as an intellectual exercise and change of pace.  As fellows of the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (AAAA) and the Academy of California Adoption-ART Lawyers (ACAL), Tsong Law Group brings extensive expertise to the practice of surrogacy law. 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